Dreaming of an imperfect world...

Everyday we plan for the ideal in our life. A strict plan, a well organized schedule, a long to-do list and a clear vision. That's how we envisioned in the morning after breakfast. However, within hours, the plan crumbles and there goes the day you dreamed up. Despite most of the day being routine, interruptions, emergencies and lack of motivation all come in the way.

It's amazing how our flawed minds can conjure up seemingly perfect realities. We strive for perfection yet we never attain it. The ambitions in our heads will never become reality, only a flawed version of it. Very often how we pictured ourselves ten years ago is so different from now that it appears like our early selves constructed outlooks that seem like a farce today.

Just like everyone, I grew up in this future fantasy: great income, perfect health, big family and expensive cars. Whatever I wanted was just waiting for me in the future, however, as I grew up, I ended in the same difficulties that my older peers suffered though. I'm average just like them, why would my life be any different?

Today, my salary is slightly above average with debts to pay, with no plans of having children. My apartment is a modest 500 square feet and I've settled down with a great lady but she suffers from the same issues as me, her life is also imperfect. My car is extremely average, the most popular model in the country. I've been endowed with a complicated set of mental illnesses and I'm dealing with other health issues.

I still got writings from my childhood, my dreams were big. I wanted to start big company like Microsoft. However, today I've settled for the corporate route with a stable salary and it'll probably be that way until I retire. I'm not mad about it, I've just come to peace with reality.

The worst delusion we have is about happiness. Movies and TV shows often portray people with eternal happiness, solving their woes with such ease and strength. However, the truth is that as humans we cannot be perpetually happy. If we found endless bliss as a toddler, we would never progress.

I am learning to become mindful of how imperfect the world is. I've thrown out my convoluted to-do list for a bunch of notes with simple ideas in them. No more fixed timelines, no more short, medium and long term goals, all that is gone. Instead, I let my ideas flow through my life and It's obstacles. My ideas are dynamic and ever-changing. Just like a lake doesn't fear a rock thrown at it and rather just reacts with smooth waves, my ideas ride out the kinks in my life. I don't make much effort in perfecting these notes; they're scatted and all over the place, just like the rest of my life is.

I don't know what makes me happy yet. I'm still experimenting and discovering new experiences. Even though I may find something distasteful, at least I've tried something new.

My dreams have the same realities as real life, I'm stressed, burned out and anxious. There's no point of dreaming of something that can't be true. My dreams are mine, and must incorporate my reality for them to be possible. In other words, I dream of an imperfect world, not a phantasy.

I sometimes wonder if beliefs about the afterlife are a mind hack to imagine a world where the boundaries of reality don't exist. A place where no pain or suffering exist, where all your wishes come true. Our imagination goes so far that it exceeds the boundaries of our universe to create perfect worlds. Unfortunately, all those traditions are nothing but a conjecture of the human mind, and only exist in the thoughts of men.

I've become mindful that I'll never live a perfect life. I'm content with my circumstances because I have no choice. My consolation is that I share the suffering, trials, tribulations, war and pain with humanity amidst hope that we'll get a glimpse of happy moments and great memories.