Me

At the end of my teenagerhood, I was used to being the center of attention and being popular. I was a model son, a model student, a model social king, a model speaker; a model in religion; as viewed by others: a perfect person. I was the pride of my parents and the focal point for everybody else creating jealousy and envy.

However, around 6 years ago, my life started to change a bit. I was no longer an example for everybody to see. In this past time, I moved out, I’ve took part in vices, tried things I was forbidden to do, developed a mental condition, renounced my religion, and finally got the chance to express myself.

I was expecting for my family to distance themselves away from me as I was no longer the perfect son. Nevertheless, I found out that extended family members and family friends were sifting through my reddit account, my Instagram, my Facebook and so on and was way more popular than I have ever been. What was unraveled was a completely different somebody, one who has changed: no longer the perfect Ahmed. The attention came back as rumour mills and quite some drama, which people love so much.

it makes me feel strange that the most frequent visitors to my website are family members overseas, employers and recruiters. That’s not exactly the kind of people I want to read my stuff but then again, this blog is an opening to the deepest parts of me and it’s enticing.

Online, it’s a completely different story. I’m absolutely unimportant. No one cares about me, I’m just someone hiding behind a website and a blog that appears to most people, a babble of nonsense. We are dreaming of popularity but maybe it’s not the best thing.

I desperately throw my content on all the social media accounts that I have only to drive little traffic. Whatever projects I’ve done are just becoming passion projects for me, not something that others care about.

My blog doesn’t have a direction, it’s just my mind going crazy and throwing up inspiration that randomly comes to me. My blog is me and nothing more. I’m one of the billions of people on Earth and the several millions who have a website. I’m starting to realize that I’m nothing special, why would anyone care about what I have to say?

In the real word, I might be generating a lot of buzz because of certain life choices that I made or exposing conditions that I have. However, online it’s a completely different story: I’m nothing. Just a dot.

I’m sure many bloggers and website authors can relate to me. There’s a pressure for popularity but it’s in vain. No one cares that Ahmed El-Hajjar wrote about his change in career or why he was angry that day.

To my many friends who blog, vlog, stream and so on, I feel your pain. You want to express your freedom but there’s no one to express it to. If someone else has posted the exact same content as you, their stuff might have become unstoppable and viral because of connections they have to a certain industry or perhaps survivorship bias.

I have almost 40 blog posts that is aimed at a large audience but in reality, I’m just talking to myself. This has been more than 3 years of shouting on my side and silence on the other side of the door.

It might sound that I’m frustrated and I’m angry though the dryness of my text doesn’t help but I do feel anxious. What I wrote are subjects that people don’t care about. I started looking at every post, every sale, every view as a passion project.

Inside me, I feel this innate pressure to become big like the others but that doesn’t seem to be my fate. At the end of the day, this is for me only and there’s a select few who have joined me to see what a random stranger on the Internet thinks.

I’ll soldier on and keep at it keeping my expectations at the bottom. It’s just me.

Working from home: my hate and my insanity...

The whole COVID-19 pandemic has caused a paradigm shift in terms of what working is going to look like for a long time. Even when things are back in control, we'll still find ourselves being home employees. Employers are taking advantage of this to perhaps save money on office costs  Many venues are closing because their response to COVID-19 has put them into abject poverty or even in bankruptcy. Restaurants, coffee shops, gyms and other places that thrive on a large customer base to function are closing; especially the small ones. 

Working from your domicile means all the home distractions are available to us. I hear of friends with low workloads using Caffeine or Amphetamine to give the illusion that they're working while in reality they're taking naps, watching shows and gaming. My current job is more fast paced and I don't have that luxury though admittedly I've slacked off a bit.

There's a contrast between sitting next to your manager and staying at home with all the freedom you want. You can pretend to work and extend deadlines making your work seemingly more difficult. I noticed my coworkers including my teammates taking their time on tickets that normally take 2 days done in 2 weeks instead. Everyone is playing the lie.

The isolation is something that drives me really nuts. The few meetings and no real interaction makes for a very lonely experience. Instead of walking to a friend’s desk for some help, now you have to send emails and schedule a meeting.

I was hoping to find a way to have company through a shared office space. However, I was alone there as few dared to put themselves at risk. I didn't have the company I was looking for to discuss random subjects and have that human interaction. Worst part, it was unusually expensive no matter the location. It would make things hard to afford things.

I haven't tried coffee shops but these seem more busy. Apparently, these kinds of locations increase creativity and production due to the chatter, less distractions and of course your boss not staring at you. Universities might be a good location too but it seems no one is going there.

What pains me so much is how much time we spend at home because of remote work. Although I argued in my first blog post that we work too much, we'd at least have more time for walks and whatever else refreshes us. However, an extra 8 hours at home just seems too much for me. We’re trapped because we have to be online all the time and our bosses expect instantaneous responses, otherwise they might think we’re unproductive. I try to do things outside of home when I can but it's hard during these lockdown days.

I'd like your opinion on how you cope with working from home and how you stay sane stuck in front of your laptop at home without any breaks. Leave comments.

Isolation...

These uncertain times have driven me nuts. I’m stuck at home no what I’m doing whether it’s working remotely or talking to loved ones. All you get is virtual interaction, but it’s not the same. You can’t feel people vibes behind a screen, it’s just a flat representation of them.

I have to stay home all the time. I want to see my family and sometimes I take risks even though I shouldn’t see them. I’m tempted to go to my friends’ domiciles. I want to give gifts but they might be contaminated. I don’t know.

I can’t host my meetup anymore. Other meetups that I join are all online instead of being around a table. My part-time driving job has come to a halt because everything non-essential has been closed and people are trapped at home. I get no riders and I’m scared they’ll pollute my car with the illness. Your appointments are virtual too, and even worse sometimes on the phone. How are they going to see your facial expressions and body language to know how you really are. How will they feel your pain when all you have is sound.

Going outside is scary, it feels like a taking a risk everytime and I have to admit I’ve taken big ones. It makes me anxious. People don’t seem to know how to protect themselves or others. Few have read what the experts have recommended to us. I feel unsafe because the rules aren’t being followed.

You never know when someone has it, maybe I do but I’m not reacting to the monster. Someone else may be the same but the reaction on me might be severe enough to send me for admission.

People with conditions are getting tired of all of this. Even healthy people are developing anxiety and stress because of this mess. I want my life to go back to normal and everyone does too. Even health care workers are getting sick of all the extreme protections they have to do, and even with that, people get hit with it anyways.

The timelines are uncertain and picking the wrong time might cause everything to spread again. Maybe in a few months, or next year, no one can give me an idea. How do we control something that spreads so quickly.

Scientists are doing their research to find treatments and other forms of protection from this disease. Yet it is not something that is discovered in a few months. There’s a ton of paperwork and trials needed to get things approved. It’s not going to be tomorrow.

I can’t put on my calendar when we’ll all be free again because no one knows when.

I'm afraid to write about my personal life here.

My blog has explored a huge mess of subjects from the technologically related, to the automotive focused, to some obscure aspects of gaming and even a few laughs. However, one thing I always avoid was talking about my personal life, I’m too scared and here’s why.

At one point, I had an extremely long blog post about some misadventure in my life that was very personal and honestly revealed secrets about my past and my present condition. I decided to eventually remove it despite its popularity and relegated it to an unlinked part of my website only accessible by a certain URL. I only share it with those who are curious or in the appropriate communities.

For many, their blog is a journal of their life; what they’re struggling with. Like me, they’re brave enough to put their full name on it but there’s a really big caveat: Employers.

My entire perspective can be altered and skewed by those who creep up the most on me, those who are considering to hire me. I don’t hide my website on my resume, it’s right there on the corner. I can see in my analytics when a potential employer browses through my website and honestly they spend more time than the average reader.

My blog has an angry vibe to it, which is honestly my primary emotion before I fall into anxiety and depression. I consider myself a vocal and passionate person and whatever I’m going to write is going to be worded strongly and boldly.

I want to write about my life desperately yet I’m afraid that those who will guide my career will judge me for who I truly am: a broken and troubled person. I’ll be thrown out of the choice pool because I decided to express my freedom and complain about what ails me.

I didn’t realize how much employers search you from your LinkedIn profile to your Facebook account to anything else with your name. My name and username show my website as one of the first results in addition to other searches. If they could get a hold of your reddit account and dating profiles they would.

I don’t know anymore what criteria employers and clients use to judge their potentials. It’s been from experience to my volunteering and unfortunately a ‘background check’ of my online presence. Sometimes I wonder how an album of a trip to Cuba has anything to do with your performance and skill set, but let me tell you, every picture will be looked at.

Clever Code

I recently worked on a proof of concept mobile application for an insurance company. It was simply designed as a tool for sales to demonstrate how a potential concept could work.

The statement of work seemed to be reasonable, a week to improve some functionality and change some branding. It also included updating the dependencies of the project and upgrading it to work with latest tool set.

It really seemed like a reasonable project until I was given the source code. I realized that what I had in hand was production quality code with hundreds of libraries included. I could barely understand the workflow of how the code lead to functionality, it seemed like sorcery was being used to generate it. I've worked on a dozen of mobile applications and it was generally easy to understand how they worked.

Obviously, this 3 year old project wouldn't compile with the latest tool set. I thought it would be an easy task to simply bring up the libraries to their latest version, but a ton of compiler errors were thrown. Why? The code heavily relied on paradigms from the older libraries and the newer ones have changed workflows completely.

I realized that updating the application would require major refactoring which wouldn't fit within the tight deadline. I won't give too many details as work is supposed to be confidential, but it was a very simple app with a few screens and extremely basic functionality.

At that point, I decided that I would rewrite the application from scratch. What took a team several months to do I was confident that I could do it in one day. However, I wrote very simple and easy to understand code. It's a proof of concept, a prototype. The source code is supposed to be disposable once the company decides to turn the PoC into a production quality application.

In one day, I had the prototype working with the same functionality, actually more, than the original version. My goal was very different, it was a PoC, not production software, it's supposed to be a prototype. One day's worth of work is not costly to throw out, but spending on several employees to do the same thing, but with way more complicated code is way more costly and even more when it comes time to maintain it.

Even production applications can be overengineered. Code can be very clever but an impossible mess to actually understand. Most developers don't realize that code is easier to write than to read. In several years, a simple bug fix will break the application because you can't remember how the asynchronous event system worked when it could have been a simple method call in a seperate thread.

Code is supposed to be of the same scope of the application, not more. Annotations, lambda expressions and so on are tools to help you write more readable code but only when it stays reasonable. A super clever implementation of lambda expression that spans the entire screen is much worse than a simple for loop which is what you really needed.

New developers want to show how clever they are with complicated code, however it doesn't impress anyone because no one understands it. As I progressed throughout my career, I realized that very simple code is way more elegant than clever black magic. As a result, I ended up with more maintainable code that I could come back to years later when it needed a simple bug fix and I was confident that it wouldn't break anything else.

My belief is that code should be as simple as reading an English article. Only a one pass reading should give you an idea on what's going on. If you need to reread the code several times to understand it, it's a bad sign.

When you do need to be clever because it's the only choice, it better be documented with plentiful of comments, that explain why and not how the code was designed that way. Whatever is needed whether it's diagrams, a separate document or even a video. The point is that the next developer understands it right away.

If you can recite the code and it sounds like English sentences, you're on the right track.